Yazstromo

Name: Yazstromo, the Humorously Senile
Age: He's not sure...he's narrowed it down to either 106 or 16.
Gender: Male
Race: Human

Appearance: Elderly man with long white hair and beard, both of which are perpetually untidy. Has a slight hunch, but if he stood straight he would be of a considerable height. Has eyes which, if they weren't clouded in thought, would probably be able to pierce you to your very soul.
Personality: Pleasant demeanour, if not a little...eccentric. He gets frustrated easily, but hasn't been seen angry in current human memory.
Birthplace: He's not quite sure...the earliest place he remembers being was in his forest home, but he also pictures himself as only ten years younger...which I suppose could work if he were 16.

Clothes: Wears long green robes with a purple emblem on the front, which he doesn't know (or remember) the meaning of. Has a necklace made of bent forks. When travelling, he wears a matching green, pointed hat, which is a bit battered around the edges.
Equipment: Carries a wooden staff with a crystal spoon embedded in the end. He has a near-bottomless bag filled with spoons, with different runes carved on them. He also carries an expandable crystal ball, a golden whistle, and a monkey skeleton in a box, with a Post-It note on the front saying "Important! Keep nearby at all times!". He recently acquired an antique spear from an auction, which he keeps strapped to his back. He must be a professional strongman to be able to carry so much...

Attacks:
Pointy Poke - Jabs at people with the spear he got in an auction.
Silver Lightning - Summons electricity from his staff which he uses to shock his foes.
Just Need To Get Something From The Drawer... - Uses various spoon talismans to summon practically anything he needs...so why does he need to carry around the monkey skeleton? Oh right, the Post-It note.
Afternoon Nap - Puts people to sleep with various rates of success.
Special Ability: Where The Whistle Comes Into It, or, "Songbird...OF DOOM!" - Upon blowing the whistle, one of three things will happen: 1. Absolutely nothing, besides Yazstromo getting to blow a whistle before being brutally pummelled by whatever enemy he's currently fighting. 2. He summons a platoon of his Grand Army of the Kitchen-Drawer Republic, from whatever nation they're currently laying waste to. 3. He summons his semi-omnipotent ape-servant, Chimpy McChimp, from his beachhouse in the centre of the universe, who may or may not help him out of whatever pickle he's gotten himself into this time.
Weaknesses: He has a weakness to jade, and the letter G.

###

Backstory: Yazstromo is a simple man, who is as anachronistic as he is skilled at playing the banjo while navigating down the Niger River. If that sentence made not a lick of sense to you, then you get a feel for what it's like being around Yazstromo. He lives in his tower on the edge of Darkwood Forest, which is nicer that it sounds. That is, it's nicer if, in your language, "Darkwood Forest" translates to "pestering boil of pus surrounded by scabby wounds infested with maggots". I mean, maggots haven't been seen in Darkwood Forest for a few decades.

But Darkwood Forest is distant and secluded, which is exactly what you want if you're trying to escape your past. Unfortunately, having nobody but a semi-omnipotent chimp for company tends to get a little boring, and because of this, Yazstromo began to lose his memory. Yeah, turns out severe boredom does that to a person. Slowly at first, without his noticing, his memories began to disappear. Then, in a wave of forgetfulness, he forgot practically everything, which he also didn't notice, but that's because he didn't remember there was anything to be noticed missing.

Over the next year, he learned Ape, so that he could speak to the strange chimp he found when he woke up one morning. Then he spent the next year learning English, once he realised that the chimp didn't speak Ape. Finally, he asked the chimp what his own name was, and then he was set. From this point, he began his new-lifelong love affair with silverware, becoming the foremost (and only) expert in cutlerology. Shortly after Yazstromo had become skilled in cutlerology, Chimpy McChimp decided to leave the primative monkeyman and retire to his beachhouse. After all, very little seems interesting once you've seen a person create a vast and incredibly effective army out of their silverware collection. Now Yazstromo spends his time wandering the earth looking for something to occupy himself with. After all, very little seems interesting after your semi-omnipotent ape-servant leaves you for their beachhouse in the centre of the universe.